On Mindful Relating
Last night, the kids started to get a little upset as I showed no signs of slowing down my work. I was immersed in a flurry of typing, determined to wrap up my day’s work. I was this close to finishing – just one last push away from satisfaction.
But of course, that wasn’t the need of the hour.
So I closed my laptop, walked over to our bed and drew them closer for our nightly snuggle. Typically, I give them a little massage before bed. Gentle back rubs. But last night, both kids asked me to press their shoulders, massage their shoulder tops, their necks and then give them a little face massage. And it made me cry. I held back the tears because it was bedtime and I wanted them to fall asleep.
I definitely feel like they felt my loving energy. And I think they felt the love that I was receiving from giving them my loving touch and connection. Ah! What a powerful reminder: Just as much as we give, we receive. And just as much as we allow ourselves to receive, we can give.
Of course it’s extra special because they’re my kids! But this positive exchange of energy isn’t limited to family. It can happen between friends, or even strangers!
This is the sweetness of real human connection.
And it’s wild to think how little of this we experience in our tech-saturated lives. It’s one thing to have a Saturday brunch with friends and quite another to hold interactions where a deep connection feels visceral. Like a gush of warmth and compassion filling up your heart.
I’ll go out on a limb to say that most of us find such connections rare. I know this to be true because when we’re in the company of others, we’re there, but not there. We look at their eyes, have a chat but silently, we’re reviewing our day, planning our next move or thinking of what to say next. Sometimes we don’t even remember what our friend was wearing just hours later!
I know I’m not sharing a novel idea with you, dear reader. I know you understand the value of mindfulness.
But maybe it’s missing in action when you’re relating with others?
Practicing mindful relating is a skill – one that makes our relationship richer and more fulfilling. And like with any skill, a tiny action goes farther than a ton of theory.
So here is an exercise I’d like you to try next time you’re with someone:
Start noticing the being in front of you. Take in what they’re wearing, the texture of their fabric; how it contrasts with the texture of their skin; how their expressions are changing by the second. Then start to listen to what they’re saying – the volume of their words, the cadence in their talking, their tone, their meaning. And if possible and appropriate, bring some gentle touch into the exercise. If not possible, connect with the person energetically through their eyes.
In short, engage all your senses to connect with another. This simple yet powerful exercise awakens deeper awareness of others—without a word, it shows them how much we value and respect their presence. In that moment, we give and we receive lovingkindness. And experience a profound connection. The kind that brings a real sweetness to life.
My invitation this week: bring more mindfulness into your relationships, because that’s where true connection happens.
To give and to receive,
With all my love,
Shawna Emerick
Breathe and Believe